huziology

hambar.

2011-12-18T07:22:00.000+08:00

ini saja yang boleh gambarkan pemikiran aku sekarang, serabut.

Lama gila tak menulis dalam bentuk entri blog. Sekarang ni microblogging sahaja, dalam Facebook dan Twitter. Aku rasa nak menulis bila baca entri Juna di sini - http://heykamoo.blogspot.com/2011/11/anak-muda-kelas-ketiga.html

Aku rasa bosan dan tersekat dalam satu pusingan. Bangun, mandi, Subuh, bawa motor pinjam pergi kerja, makan lunch, Zuhur, sambung kerja, Asar, bawa motor balik kerja, Maghrib, makan malam, Isyak, tidur.

Awal bulan cucuk duit, tengah bulan dah kena ikat perut. Hutang orang, student loans, bayar sewa, beri pada orang tertentu. Makan nasi lauk telur hari-hari, isi minyak motor RM3 dan bawa seperlahan mungkin untuk tahan dua hari dalam sekali isi. Kadang-kadang stress sampai rambut gugur, gigit kuku sampai berdarah, buat kerja pun tersilap itu-ini dan kena marah dengan boss, tambah stress lagi. True story.

Kalau orang ada sijil, diploma, dan ijazah yang bekerja, gaji besar sikit je dari taraf SPM, tapi perlu bayar hutang pinjaman. Orang ada SPM, gaji kecil, tapi tak ada hutang.

At the end of the day, bukan sama je ke?

Ya, mungkin dari segi ilmu, tak sama. Tapi dari apa yang aku lalui sekarang, hidup ini memang satu pertarungan untuk mencari duit. Tak kisah apa kau belajar dulu, kadang-kadang kerja kau tak berkait langsung dengan bidang sijil kau.

Orang belajar Kejuruteraan Kimia pun jadi kuli batak, kerja pakai kemeja-T dan seluar jeans, bukan kerja dalam lab, pakai tali leher, seluar slacks, seperti yang diharapkan. Macam aku.

Tapi aku tak kisah semua tu. Syukur masih ada pekerjaan dan ruang untuk cari rezeki halal, dalam keadaan ekonomi macam sekarang. Tapi aku tak suka dipandang rendah.

"Kau ni kata dua tahun lagi nak kahwin, tapi simpanan pun tak ada, macam mana?"

Terngiang-ngiang ayat tu. Macam kau faham keadaan aku. Tapi kita masih muda, ada kudrat untuk bekerja. Boleh rasa bangga guna duit hasil titik peluh sendiri. Tak perlu bergantung hidup dengan mak-bapak, boleh beri wang, walau sedikit mana pun, pada mereka tiap-tiap bulan. Alhamdulillah.

Selagi masih bernafas, hidup yang perit ini perlu diteruskan. Walau aku jauh dengan keluarga, walau aku jauh dengan rakan-rakan dan si dia, walau aku rasa sunyi dan bosan, sebab aku rasa aku hanya ada diri aku dan kerja aku sahaja sekarang. Aku tak ada mak-bapak yang hidup senang, tak ada tanah berelung-relung, tak ada "orang dalam" dalam mana-mana agensi.

Mungkin esok ada sinar baru. We can't know what God have in store for us in the future. But God won't change our lives until we start changing it ourselves.

Alhamdulillah, terima kasih Tuhan kerana aku masih bernyawa, masih punya kuasa tenaga. Kerja, ibadah, ilmu. Tak berada dalam zon selesa inilah jadi aku punya drive sekarang. Supaya aku tak malas kerja, tak putus asa, tahan kena maki dan kutuk-cela cakap belakang. Walau kadang-kala semangat dan iman aku turun-naik dan rasa macam tak mahu teruskan semua ini lagi. Tapi tidak meminta-minta dan tidak disuap itu adalah sangat mulia, aku rela susah, asalkan aku dapat suap diri sendiri.

cakap-cakap orang tu, jangan dihiraukan sangat.

terkilan.

2011-07-06T04:42:00.001+08:00

A blog entry written after a looooooong absence from blogging. Yeah, I'm kinda terkilan right now. Because of what life throws at me.

After some serious contemplation, I decided to quit my degree studies due to some problems (mostly monetary). I have to leave everything behind. But then again, Chemical Engineering's not really my forte. Even though I obtained my Diploma in this field, it's not without it's difficulties. This was not an easy decision to make.

But everything in life has it's own set challenges. Life works out weird sometimes. Come to think of it, what I'm really good at is... the English language (okay ini dah mula masuk bakul angkat sendiri, ppffftt). Perhaps I'll take a degree related to my field of expertise. Even if the loooong road up ahead is filled with difficulties, if you kept at it, eventually you're gonna succeed. "Berhenti berjalan tak bermaksud kita tak kedepan" - Quoted from my friend Encik Matematis Muda (which is older than me but still fancies the 'Muda' title. Ha!)

But I'll have to put that on hold first. What's important right now is to work and make some money. I need it, my family needs it. You might have read in the previous posts that I don't have a license and don't even know how to drive, don't own a car or a motorcycle or any mode of transportation. Normally these are the first things that comes to mind once you've graduated high school, but I'm not normal now, am I? So that's pretty high up on my to-do list right now.

Now, I am greatly saddened by the fact that I'm not able to complete my degree program. While others are happily going through it and would graduate with better job prospects, I'm stuck with a diploma. But believe me, I still want to study. People always say "dah kerja, dah seronok pegang duit, mesti ko tak nak belajar lagi wehhh". That may be true. But I KNOW I'll never forgive myself if I don't have a degree. Maybe someday..

Please pray for me friends. The future is uncertain at the moment. Now, I need to go job-hunting. As you might know, jobs are pretty scarce in the current state of the economy. It's harder to find when your only qualification is a diploma. But God knows what's best for me, you, and everybody else. Every cloud has a silver lining. So don't go blaming God/Jupiter/the Universe/Buddha/Flying Spaghetti Monster/Jah/Shiva/any deity you fancy for the bad things that happened to you. It happened for a reason that you might not be able to fathom right now, but probably will after conquering the hardships life throws at you. Actions have consequences, man.

Here's to living life, and conquering hardships along the way. Wish me luck!

a dish served cold.

2011-05-17T00:59:00.003+08:00

#1 - conflict
this smear campaign results in chagrin
all of this hate that you brought
comes from inside you

your words,
your actions,
it strangles this existence.

#2 - retribution
look at what you've done
you've gone too far
your lies have caught up with your drama

#3 - aftermath
serves you right.
now the past will haunt (you)
to always be ignored,
you'll walk this path alone.

link.

bangun.

2011-02-13T20:41:00.003+08:00

~~Macam-macam persoalan timbul bila kau dapat sesuatu yang baru.~~

~~"betul ke apa yang aku buat ni?"~~

~~"macam mana kalau kejadian dulu berulang?"~~

~~Kalau terus macam tu, aku tak rasa apa yang kau baru dapat tu akan bertahan lama.~~

Aku admit, aku sendiri pun masih punya doubts. Cuma aku sedang berusaha nak terima semua tu seadanya. One step at a time. Aku tak mahu banding-bandingkan apa-apa lagi dah between yang baru dan lama. Biarlah masa saja yang tentukan.

~~Dan aku harap apa yang aku ada sekarang boleh jadikan aku a better person. Mungkin ini satu langkah yang betul, siapa tahu?~~

~~Sudahlah. Aku nak mandi.~~ Semoga kita semua akan rasa lebih gembira selepas ini.

image credits: http://www.esquire.com/cm/esquire/images/4-meeting-new-people-102409-lg-44384444.jpg

masih.

2011-02-12T06:42:00.003+08:00

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately. What's strange is how I don't look for info or anecdotes or anything, but to spot grammatical errors. Like, wtf? Am I turning into a Grammar Nazi or what?

Anyways, I haven't been updating this blog for weeks now. But that doesn't mean I've stopped writing. No siree.

I'm writing somewhere else. Part of my assignment for this term's Technical Communications subject is to publish a blog. You can read it here. I'm sorry if the entries there are lame or whatever. The posts were predetermined by my lecturers. So, no time for personal 'blogging'.

So that's that. Later, peeps.

and when it breaks...

2011-01-24T03:01:00.000+08:00

I had a dream about a certain someone last night. It was way more complicated than Inception. It would've beaten Christopher Nolan's story.

And I woke up with tears.

Dammit. I'm supposed to be tough! I've even written this entry advising people (and myself) to stop feeling bitter remorse.

Denial.

Anger.

Hurt.

Betrayal.

And even more remorse. Piling up one after another. There are days when I'm playing this tough-emotionally-unaffected-guy. You could see for yourselves if you were friends with me on Facebook. Through the status updates and all.

But even the toughest exterior can be broken. In the end, we're just human beings with emotions. After it's all been said and done, you realize that sometimes you just can't fight back all those walled-up feelings. The heart isn't made out of stone, mate.

"Move on!", they said. With steely conviction in their voices. If only actually following the phrase is as easy as saying it, life would be so much better.

But mourning period is supposed to be over. It's been like, 4 months after the inevitable blow. What I'm trying to do now is grapple with reality and deal with the aftermath.

Damage control, says a friend with more experience in this subject matter.

And so, all the pictures got deleted off my hard-drive. All the memories from my head. No more erratic sleep patterns, no more sitting around at random places and mope about. No more isolating myself from people that cared. Because that was what I did after that. It's NOT the end of the world, stupid! You're just like that guy from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. You're pathetic. Get a fucking life already. FFFFUUU

I am now a shell of my former self. I am, for lack of a better word, hollow. Unfeeling, uncaring.

That's enough I think. Sorry for posting such an emotional entry. But it's my blog and I can write whatever I damn well please. And I just can't express my thoughts clearly in Bahasa at the moment. Sorry about that.

Writing is indeed very therapeutic. I'm feeling better as I'm typing this. Maybe I'll regret posting this. Maybe I'll be embarrassed. But right now, I just don't care.

Ne-Yo - So Sick. A tune appropriate to this entry perhaps.

image credits - http://www.ivstatic.com/files/et/imagecache/300/parenting/slides/bed_325.jpg

reminiscence.

2011-01-23T05:01:00.000+08:00

my desktop as of 27/9/10. Bullshit pakai widget pejadah. Minimalist dan cool, kan? Okay, tak ada kena-mengena dengan entri sebenarnya. Just me showing off. Oh well. Click to enlarge the image and drool, small-screened-laptop fags! Muahahaha!

Gila, semalam dah update, hari ni nak update lagi. This is so not me! Aku kan pemalas nak tulis blog dah. Hahaha!

Lantaklah. Aku memang nak tulis pasal benda ni dari dulu lagi, cuma tak ada mood dan platform yang sesuai nak menaip. Kalau dekat rumah aku surfing pakai netbook adik aku, apa kelas nak menaip atas keyboard kecil, lagi nak mengadap skrin kecil tu jugak, sebab aku tinggal desktop aku dekat hostel. Now I have a REAL keyboard to type on, so much better. Boo all of you laptop fags! PC's FTW!

Masa cuti semester lepas, aku kerja sebenarnya. Cari duit nak bayar yuran daftar masuk semester baru dekat Micet ni. Bukan dekat tempat kerja lama tu, tapi dekat retail outlet, memang berlainan dengan diploma aku bidang chemicals, tapi nasiblah, zaman sekarang mana boleh memilih kerja, dude. Lagipun aku nak kerja sekejap je pun.

A place to spend your hard-earned money by the truckload to satisfy your earthly desires. Capitalism at it's best, no? Hahahaha

Yep, Tesco. Tapi bukanlah jaga sales floor atau cashiering. Aku kerja bahagian Human Resources. Jadi Recruitment Officer. Duduk dekat meja recruitment sambil perhati orang lalu-lalang, kalau ada orang minta kerja aku suruh isi borang lepas tu cakap "nanti kita call awak kalau permohonan awak berjaya ya?".

This, by far, is the easiest job I've ever done, mates. Sampai pekerja lain ada tak puas hati dengan aku. But I understand their situation, they have to work their asses off while I get to sit down and play officer at his desk and get paid more than them to do so (in terms of allowance, that is). Kerja rilek, gaji okey, elaun okey, ada meal coupons, and cash vouchers yang kau boleh guna beli barang kat dalam Tesco tu. Seriously mates, if you want to earn a bit of money during the holidays, you should consider working here. Considering the benefits and career advancement opportunities they are offering, it's truly a great place to work (motto pekerja Tesco yang betul-betul wujud, sumpah aku tak tipu! Haha)

Jadi gaji aku dah guna bayar yuran pendaftaran dan hostel, tapi cash voucher tu aku guna beli speaker untuk desktop aku. Nantilah kalau rajin aku tulis review dekat sini. Hehehe.

Secara jujur aku cakap kalau kerja macam ni, unless kau tak ada pilihan lain, bukan sesuatu untuk kau jadikan kerjaya. Tapi kalau kau sanggup kerja straight after SPM dan tahan karenah customer/manager, dalam setahun kau dah boleh jadi Section Manager beb.

Walaupun aku tak kerja lama, pengalaman tu memang tak ternilai. Interact dengan macam-macam orang. Dari customer, pekerja bawahan, pak guard Tesco, dan manager-manager dia, memang macam-macam perangai aku jumpa.

Nantilah aku tulis lagi pasal ni. This is fast becoming a TL;DR entry. Akibat tak tidur malam dan esok tak ada kelas. Parah, parah.

image credits: http://sg.pagenation.com/map/image.php?id=3171&z=1

dust.

2011-01-22T19:11:00.000+08:00

Kesian dia. Dah lama kena neglect dengan aku. Dah rosak dah pun. Bila aku flip open, dah tak keluar gambar kat skrin, tapi kalau buka sikit je, ada lagi images yang keluar, but who wants to use a clamshell phone that shows images only if you flip it open halfway?

She used to be fun. Always singing some tunes and melodies from time to time, providing me with entertainment. I could push her buttons anytime, and she would let out orgasmic sounds.

Kejap. It's a she? Well, of course. Why on earth would I touch and caress a dude and keep him with me at all times, kan?

Tapi aku dah tak layan texting dengan sesiapa pun sekarang, jadi macam tak ada fungsi pun owning a phone. I prefer calling people nowadays. Tak tahu kenapa, malas nak taip panjang-panjang, mungkin. Jadi aku abandon dia, dah tak beri attention pada dia macam dulu lagi. Selepas 4 tahun, rosak juga akhirnya.

Nasib baik roommate aku ada bawa fon spare. Just a black-and-white Nokia phone, but that will do until I get my phone fixed.

Bila aku sebut je nak baiki fon lama ni, ramai suruh aku beli baru saja. Yelah, mahasiswa batch aku baru dapat MARA student loans and all that, tapi aku nak baiki juga. Even the guy at the phone shop says I should just buy a new one. Tapi bisnes dia memang jual handphone jadi naturally he sees me as a prospective revenue generator.

Kalau nak baiki kena Rm50, tapi kalau beli baru? Even kalau aku beli fon hitam-putih baru yang harganya Rm60 pun, tak sama, dude. Lagipun contact info ada dalam phone Sony tu lagi. Kalau tukar fon, alamat hilanglah nombor ex-and-future-girlfriends and scandals yang aku nak stalk and make amends with. Hahaha!

Nantilah, malas betul rasanya nak pergi Tampin sekarang untuk baiki fon tu. Looks like I'll stick to the borrowed Nokia phone for now. Tak ada contact info, dan aku memang tak hafal nombor telefon orang. Kepada kawan-kawan dan chicks yang nak text aku sila perkenalkan diri ya? Nanti aku tak tahu siapa, susah juga. :P

image credits: http://www.compare-mobile.co.uk/images/phones-big/sony-ericsson-w300i-white.jpg

secundus.

2011-01-07T22:22:00.001+08:00

And so, the second term of my degree program starts.

Dude, kena buat betul-betul ni. Tak boleh nak tengok movies memanjang. FFFUUUUU

primus.

2011-01-07T00:03:00.002+08:00

[recharge]

Tahun 2010, a lazy year. Malas gila nak update blog. Bagi aku netizens dalam blogosphere ni dah berubah demografi dia. Pemblog (pemblog? blogger?) generasi aku dan sebelum aku dah tua, dah makin malas menulis. Ini apa yang aku perhatikan dari rakan-rakan sebaya yang ada blog lah. The world is unkind to old people.

Tapi kan, siapa ada masa lagi nak mengadap pc/laptop berjam-jam, nak tineye gambar untuk post, lagi nak balas komen and all that. Life happens. You gotta work or study for tests and exams, kan?

Ah, alasan semua tu. Alasan pemblog yang malas. Ah how I miss the good ole' days masa aktif ber-blog. Nanti kot, bila dah stabil, (janji lagi. Dulu pun sama, lepas tu biar blog berhabuk)

Oh well, I guess you guys should not believe everything I said. Hahaha.

Till laters, mates. :)

mmxi.

2011-01-03T21:02:00.001+08:00

RIP 2010. It's been an awesome and sad year at the same time, I had a lot to go through.

Aaaaaand, sorry for not updating, not that you should expect any new entries soon either. That's what I like when no one reads your blog anymore. No pressure. :)

Cheers, mates. Maybe later, when I found the lost passion to blog and comment and whatnot, I'll get back to blogging.

image credits: http://nirahlee.com/iswwr/evidence/WWII_ATAT.jpg

reality.

2010-11-02T18:01:00.001+08:00

Seen on a friend's wall in his room:

"Study! Satu hari sekurang-kurangnya satu soalan math!"

Last time I checked, the motivating words had been altered. Now they read:

"Study! Satu hari sekurang-kurangnya satu ~~soalan math!~~ MOVIE!"

How true.

exams.

2010-10-23T00:51:00.000+08:00

Sorry, but no updates for a while. I know this sucks, but that's part of being a student. And there's no internet access at the hostel lately.

Till laters, mate.

ordinary day.

2010-10-06T03:19:00.000+08:00

Fon aku berbunyi. Lagu Walls dendangan Emery. Nada dering untuk mesej teks.

Pelik. Kalau dulu aku pelik kenapa tak ada sesiapa teks aku, sekarang aku rasa pelik kalau ada orang hantar mesej. Post-breakup, perkara biasa.

Aku periksa fon. Oh, Lelaki Kacak yang hantar.

"Mkn jom!"

"Xpe, aku dah" Aku taip lambat-lambat. Dah kekurangan praktis untuk taip laju-laju. Sebenarnya belum makan pun. Malas nak turun kafe.

"Ok."

Aku sambung mengadap desktop. Organize folder muzik. Dalam folder downloads saja dah bersepah gila. 13 Gigabytes worth of songs I have yet to listen to. Download saja, dengarnya entah bila.

Pintu bilik terbuka, Lelaki Kacak dah habis makan. Naik bilik aku. Sekali dengan Punk Rocker Berkulit Gelap.

"Kau okey Zai?"

"Okey je. Entahlah, aku rasa aku okey. Kot."

Aku paw rokok Canyon si Punk Rocker. Hisap perlahan-lahan. Letting the soothing smoke to fill my lungs. Hembus. Repeat ad satisfaction.

Lelaki Kacak capai gitar atas katil roomate aku. "Jangan camtu Zai, meh aku ajar lagu Semua Tentang Kita meh..". Dia mula plucking.

Last-last aku tak ingat pun chords yang dia ajar. Plucking memang bukan forte aku. I'll just end up asking him to play it while I sing. Perkara yang sama kalau Punk Rocker main gitar. Aktiviti terapeutik. Bagi aku. Rasa tenang gila.

Kalau boleh, aku harap semua ini tak berakhir. But everything must come to an end. We'll just have to enjoy it while it lasts. Thank you, dear friends. I consider myself lucky to have you guys in my life. :-)
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Sebenarnya aku nak buat entri emo tapi tak jadi. Dah bertukar jadi entri jurnal pulak. Dah lah BM aku campur-campur. Sorry mates, dah lama sangat tak tulis in pure BM. And this is what my sleepy brain could come up with at the moment. I guess you can say that this entry is about friendship and whatnot. Ahaha. Till later, bye!

hidden track no. 4.

2010-10-03T14:05:00.000+08:00

"Hey babe, lunch bungkus nasi je ke?"

"Yeah.. I malas nak lepak kafe. Dah la I sorang je. Member semua balik rumah."

"You nak makan sorang-sorang dalam bilik?"

"Ha'ah. Sambil layan movie kat desktop I. Heheh."

"Laa, kenapa tak text I tadi. Jom makan sekali jom."

"Err, but what about your friends? I seganlah."

"Takpe, dia orang makan meja lain lah."

"Err, takpelah. On second thought, I don't think I want to eat rice today."

"Why?"

"Too expensive. Maggi Mee's cheaper. Ahahah. Seeya"

"Cis."

confessions #2.

2010-09-25T06:02:00.005+08:00

I'm nearing 22. I feel old already, and there's so many things I haven't accomplished yet. When you're this old, you're expected to know how to do certain things, dontcha?

Imagine this: You've finally managed to ask that chick out for dinner and a movie, and she agreed. Don't have a car? No problem. You can always rent one or borrow one from your friends.

Except for the fact that you don't know how to drive...

Yeah. I'm pathetic that way. When I was younger I don't feel the need to learn how to drive. 'Cause there's always public transportation, your parents to drive you somewhere, or using the good 'ol method of walking with your own legs.

But lets get real. There's only so much time wasted waiting for the bus/train to arrive, for your parents to send you somewhere. Hell, even walking gets impractical before you start to say "man, I wish I know how to drive a frickin' car!"

So yeah. At the age of 21 (it ain't November yet, mate!), I finally feel the need to learn to drive. Problem is, there's no time and money to go to the driving school yet.

That reminds me of one thing. Why can't Malaysian schools have Driving Ed. like they have in America? Why can't we apply for our first license through our schools anyway? It is part of kemahiran hidup right?

But then again, every cloud has a silver lining. It's a blessing in disguise when you're road-tripping with your buddies and you don't have to take the wheel at any given time, because they know you can't drive. Ha! :)

p/s: Jangan tanya aku pasal Russian Circles! Aku tak pergi. Siapa tunjuk gambar/video/autographed tickets and t shirt dia orang, gua langgar! Jeles ni!

image credits: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_81aRJnvKN8s/TJ0bpohlgoI/AAAAAAAAAVc/MryUOUn8XiA/s400/Caminando_-_Walking_-_en_Suiza_-_13082006(006).jpg

post-raya.

2010-09-23T07:38:00.001+08:00

Is it me or is it just lonely here? Where ma bloggers at yaw? Man, I miss the old days when there's actually people who read this. So glad to see you guys reading this.

All three of you.

As per usual, now's the time to complain about how our waistlines suddenly got bigger when we've successfully managed to trim it down, just a little. And I've had my share of experience too.

This year's raya is no different. What with all the events happening during raya (refer to last post), food becomes a source of comfort, and I shall always find solace in a plate of perfectly spicy maggi goreng served with a crisp fried egg and topped with some chilli sauce... comfort food FTW!!

That's about all. I don't really have anything to write about. It's just that I promised regular posting, and that blogging is very therapeutic. <----ayat ambik dari Dammit hahaha.

I'm writing more in English at the moment, because I haven't exactly been thinking in Bahasa lately. Lets get some semblance of your former life back, Huzai. Back to when relationships are simple and honest.. with awesome friends, family and cool relatives of yours.

Dude, all this talk about food earlier gave me quite an appetite. So excuse me, I need to take a bath and see what's cookin' at the cafeteria. It is breakfast hour, after all. Bye :)

p/s: I'm currently singing along to this. She's not the one coming back for you~!:

you know.

2010-09-20T23:26:00.004+08:00

when your relationship turns sour, and there's nothing you can do about it, ain't no other option than to just end it. It seems pointless to go on and let both parties feel hurt.

Yeah, yeah, I know, In the beginning, I'm the one who's so excited and posted about it in Facebook and this blog. Whatever. But how can we possibly know these things are about to happen, aight? It's a lesson to be learned, to improve how we treat others and ourselves.

But then again, being in a relationship causes me to ignore the existence of this blog, no?

So, expect regular postings again, like the good ol' days, from yours truly. It's a fact that people update their blogs more frequently when they're single. Ahahahahahah!

A note to others who's going through a breakup: STOP listening to soppy breakup songs. You're never gonna heal yourself like that. Listen to heavy stuff. Some grindcore and death metal should do the trick. Hell, even listening to screamo helps.

Don't sit all alone in your room to weep and mope around. Like the lyrics from Supergrass said:

We wake up, we go out,
smoke a fag, put it out,
see our friends, see the sights,
feel alright!!!!

I'll leave you with this, Raein - Tigersuit. Have a great life, people. :)

These knives are softer than broken dreams
Blood and tears are on the floor
I can't remember a time when I was good at something
I wear this tigersuit 'cause I'm a fuckin' lamb
Blood and tears are on the floor
I start to lick 'em
They're my daily bread.

r. i. p.

2010-08-26T08:25:00.000+08:00

In case you're wondering where I've been all these time, I'm at the University.

A while back, I talked about being in a void and all that. Well, since going back to study, it's been a whirlwind of events and emotions. Maybe I got a bit too excited.

When you meet people, old or new, sometimes you tend to hurt them, Even though you don't mean them.

God knows how many times I've hurt them. Over and over again. Until it came to the final straw.

Huzai, you're a jerk.

But fret not. That Huzai died yesterday. The obsessive, ignorant, insensitive Huzai.

I'm changing, but I'll still be a jerk to some people.

Meh. At least I'm a sensitive, unobsessive, knowing jerk.

kalau.

2010-08-26T04:35:00.001+08:00

Nice Stupid Playground - Bedroom Window dan Coldplay - The Scientist, track untuk entri ini.

Feeling towards healing. I don't think I have any tears to shed. Entah. Mungkin hati keras macam batu. Why is it so damn hard to cry?

...................................................

Dude, kalau sakit kepala, orang sapu minyak angin kan?

Boleh tak aku sapu kat hati ni? Berapa banyak yang aku perlu sapu?

:'(

dissilusionment.

2010-08-21T04:46:00.000+08:00

There's just too much dust and cobwebs gathering around here innit? Like the title said, I've been disillusioned with blogging, or writing as a whole.

But people always say that once a writer, you never really stop being a writer (or a blogger, or whatever).

Meh, I never think of myself as a writer anyway. But I apologize. After enrolling in the degree program, with all these classes, quizzes, and tests, blogging kinda took a back seat.

So now, with it being the fasting month and all, lets talk about everything that's good about the holy month of Ramadhan...

On second thought, scratch that. You already know this. And this not THAT kind of blog. Never intended to be.

So, happy fasting, peeps! As always, it's not just about hunger and thirst. Patience and keeping your lust in check are also part of the parcel. Grind on!

oh?

2010-08-07T02:44:00.000+08:00

aku masih ada blog rupanya.

okay.

2010-07-17T17:02:00.000+08:00

update buat syarat. Sebab Nabel dan Apek dah suruh.

Aku baru masuk Degree ni. Macam-macam benda nak buat, nak setelkan, lagi dengan wallet aku hilang.

Tension, okey?

Nantilah. Kalau AKAB pun dah kembali, aku bila lagi. Dem.

podoyo.

2010-06-29T21:40:00.001+08:00

7 months of working here. And I'll be on moving on.

Thanks for all the knowledge given and the experience I gained, for me to face up to the real world.

This goes out to my bosses and office mates. You guys make working here feel bearable.

*and also, thanks for the farewell party and presents. I'm too stuffed with all those delicious satay. Man, you guys really know how to party in the office. Ahaha.

hidden track no. 3.

2010-06-28T21:09:00.000+08:00

"Assalamualaikum, kak. Saya nak tanya tentang jawatan penyelia program banci rakyat ni."

"Wa'alaikummussalam. Dik, jawatan penyelia ni payah sikit nak dapat. Kalau jadi pegawai banci senanglah sikit. Tapi gaji dia rendah la. Adik ada diploma ke nak apply jadi penyelia ni?"

"Ha'ah. Ni salinan diploma saya."

"Jap eh akak tanya bos akak"

*******************************

"Hmm, akak mintak maaf la ye. Jawatan penyelia semua dah penuh. Kalau tak silap, post terakhir tu orang tempat adik jugak yang ambik. Kalau berminat nak jadi pegawai banci je, isi lerr borang ni eh"

"Okey kak. Err, siapa orang tempat saya tu?"

"Nama dia *Karim Daud"

"Eh, saya kenal dia tu. Bukan dia ada SPM je ke? Macam mana boleh jadi penyelia pulak?"

"Standard la.. Dengar kata dia anak sedara ketua pemuda Amno tempat ni"

"Oh."

hidden track no. 2.

2010-06-26T10:28:00.001+08:00

"Dude, why did you pray on the cold hard cement floor?"

"Kenapa? Salah ke?"

"Tak lah. Pelik. Surau ni aku tengok berlambak sejadah kot. Siap ada karpet tebal lagi. Selesa sikit nak solat, kan?"

"Ala, you won't understand"

"Bagitau je lah kenapa wehh"

"Aku sujud kat lantai keras, senang sikit nak dapat tanda hitam kat dahi tu ha. Cool gila dowh"

"????"

hidden track no. 1.

2010-06-25T21:38:00.000+08:00

"Kalau aku tanya kau jangan marah eh"

"Tanyalah. Nak marah kenapa pulak"

"Kau ni tak ada kawan ke?"

"Asal kau tanya macam tu?"

"Dah, aku tengok kau sorang-sorang je selalu. Duduk makan pun meja lain, tak join orang"

"Err, so?"

"So, mesti kau lonely kan? Kesian kau. Lain kali join la aku. Aku tak kisah"

"............................"

"Kenapa diam? Kau tak suka bergaul eh? Tak baik macam tu. Jangan sombong sangat jadi orang. Nanti kena cop kera sumbang"

"Bila masa pulak aku duduk meja sorang-sorang. Ni ha kawan sebelah aku ni kau tak nampak ke? Meh aku perkenalkan. Chuck, meet Mister-I-Have-So-Many-Friends-So-I'm-Not-Lonely. Dude, ini Chuck Bartowski"

"Yelah papelah. Blah la lu!"

algebraic.

2010-06-22T21:48:00.003+08:00

(pic unrelated. It's my office. 'twas taken with the camera I mentioned in this post)

Perhatikan orang sekeliling kau. Kebanyakkannya memang akan bertindak ikut apa peranan yang dah ditetapkan oleh pandangan masyarakat ramai.

We get cast in roles. And we follow them to conform, to fit in, to get acceptance.

Dah macam First Law of Thermodynamics. Salah satu benda yang orang akan selalu tengok dan banding-bandingkan ialah apa yang kau ada sekarang. Kalau nak bagi formulae, boleh kata macam ni:

"Pada peringkat umur X, kau mesti dah ada Y."

Where Y can mean a lot of things: Your driver's licence, your own car, your own house, a girlfriend, a wife, a bachelors degree.. the list goes on. If you don't achieve these goals at the given time, you'll get looked down as a loser.

Entahlah, dude. I'd say fuck all these preconceived notions that society wants to put us in. Aturan hidup dan situasi kita semua tak sama. Apa yang orang lain ada tapi kau tak ada, tak bermaksud kau tak akan dapat. Mungkin lambat sikit.

Atau mungkin kau takkan dapat langsung, sebab itu yang terbaik untuk kau. Contohnya, kau dah usaha kumpul duit, berdoa siang malam nak motor. Tapi bila dah beli, tak sampai 20 minit kau tunggang dah accident.

(Ni aku baca dalam Metro je. Jangan percaya lah, sebab cerita yang keluar Metro memang sekadar fiksyen dan sensationalism belaka. Anggaplah ini macam analogi je. Ahahaha)

Tapi tak bermaksud kau boleh tunding jari salahkan orang bila tak dapat apa yang kau nak. Contohnya macam cakap "eh, mak bapak kau kaya boleh la". Willpower, patience, and a helluva hard work to be put in to get the things that you want and need.

Ah, mungkin aku juga menulis kerana kecewa dengan diri sendiri, gagal untuk dapatkan apa yang aku perlukan. Bak kata Bang Juna, rilek-rilek sudah. Easy does it. Kalau ditakdirkan umur 30++ nanti baru mampu untuk miliki apa yang sepatutnya kau ada masa umur 20-an, siapa mereka untuk judge kau? Ini hidup kau sendiri, they don't know what you have to go through. Asal kau happy, itu sudah cukup.

Tammat.

well, damn.

2010-06-17T21:43:00.001+08:00

To tell you the truth, I've always been a bit on the heavy side. I wouldn't mind shedding a pound or two. But it has never been a major concern, because I still fit into the clothes I want, and so on.

Until last week, that is.

I remember looking into the mirror, and there's this flesh-coloured piece of rubber, kinda like a tyre, stuck fast to my midriff. Not something I'd bring with me to the beach.

But hey, how bad could it be, right?

Wrong. I took a brave step on the weighing scales. And the needle points straight to........well, I'm not telling. Lol XD

Ladies and gentlemen, my Body Mass Index has officially crossed over from 'normal' to 'overweight'.

Well, this sucks. Blame it on the office environment, would you? Sitting in your cubicle all day, and only getting up to eat and pray.

Nahh. I just have myself to blame. So, let's get working out baby! 15 minutes on the StairMaster might do the trick. And puasa sunat while you're at it. That always helps.

Pray for me, mates. I don't ask for much, just 67 kilos. :)

jejak kasih.

2010-06-12T23:41:00.000+08:00

So here's the situation, two people who used to be close friends meet each other after a year apart:

"Weh, lama tak jumpa. Kau buat apa sekarang?"

"Aku tengah ambik degree dekat [insert university here], buat [insert course major here]. Kau pulak?"

"Aku? Baru je habis diploma in [insert course major here]. Kerja dulu la sebelum sambung degree. Kumpul duit"

"Oh, kau kerja apa sekarang?"

"Ala, dekat [insert place here], jadi [insert position here] je...."

"oh...."

"erm..."

*awkward silence*

*************************************************************************

Baru setahun, dah tak macam dulu lagi. Tapi aku rasa faktor masa taklah besar sangat. Bila masing-masing dah ada clique sendiri, environment sendiri, life sendiri, cerita lama hanya tinggal kenangan.

We might be close pals back then, but now we're just... strangers.

Anticlimactic, bak kata James Wilson. Dalam time-frame selama kau terpisah tu pun, mungkin kau akan realize things about the other party that you didn't really like, that deep-down, you hated him/her. Tapi dulu kau tak perasan, sebab tak perlu stop and ponder tentang semua tu.

Manusia memang senang nak adapt bila dah capai satu tahap selesa. Contohnya kalau dulu kau susah nak let go kenangan lama and all that. Tapi bila kau dah selesa dengan environment baru, kawan-kawan baru, kenangan lama tu mungkin dah bukan lagi satu benda yang kau sangat-sangat treasure. Mungkin sekali-sekala kita akan kenang semula semua tu, tapi dah tak penting. Life goes on.

Entahlah, dude. Nostalgia lah konon. Untuk further reading, aku syorkan entri monolog lelaki bermisai tipis. Ini sangat-sangat benar.

Cheers, mates. :)

do want!

2010-06-09T21:59:00.006+08:00

The truth is, I hate taking pictures with phones. (and taking pictures of myself too, for that matter)

Kecuali-lah kalau guna SE Cyber-Shot Series, boleh blah jugaklah hasil gambarnya. But unfortunately, I'm using SE W300i (for over 3 years), which sadly, has poor picture quality.

Aku tak rasa aku akan tukar fon dalam masa terdekat. Kalau aku tukar pun, susah nak buat pilihan. Sebab aku suka fon bentuk clamshell (flip) macam W300i, dan aku tak pernah jumpa lagi SE Cyber-Shot series yang ada bentuk clamshell. Ada sesiapa tau ke? Bagitau aku please.

I'll only take pictures with my phone if there's no other camera available. Itu pun kena Photoshop dulu, betulkan contrast, hue, nak despeckle lagi. Leceh. Below is a sample picture taken with my phone. No edits.

(aku rasa Dammit akan cam gambar ni. Hahahaha)

Grainy dan tak stabil, Tak cantik. It's time to get a real camera.

Ops, tapi aku bukanlah photofag nak beli kamera besar-besar, lens apakejadah semua tu. Tak mampu. Kalau ada orang menyembang ISO, shutter speed, lighting, white balance, exposure, aperture, gabba gabba hey, yada yada yada, sumpah aku tak faham sangat. (tapi bajet diri sendiri minat photography. Hahahaha)

*********************************************************************************

I'll be frank. What I really want is to take good, stable pictures. And to be able to get wide-angle and fisheye shots without breaking the piggy bank (eh kejap, piggy bank pun aku tak ada sebenarnya)

Dan aku tak suka nak lug around dslr yang besar gedabak dan berat tu. Point and shoot boleh ah.

Aku rasa dah dapat petunjuk siang tadi masa kat tempat kerja. Member ofis bawak kamera dia nak tangkap gambar (urusan kerja). Sempat lah jugak aku explore sikit. Olympus Fe 4030, aku rasa terbaik kot!

Slim, lightweight, and comes in nice colours. 14 megapixels, 4x Wide-angle optical zoom, and lots of other stuff inside.

Aku suka fungsi iAuto dengan 22 shooting modes dia. Untuk yang malas nak play around dengan setting manual, ini terbaik kot. Tapi aku ada jugak main setting manual dia. Boleh la ubah-ubah shutter speed, ISO, white balance, and stuff. (aku tak faham sangat sebenarnya. Hahaha)

*******************************************************************************

Berbalik kepada apa yang aku betul-betul nak, ya, ia ada Super Wide 26mm Lens, siap boleh ubah aspect ratio gambar lagi.

To top it all off, this baby has something called "magic filters". For those wanting to show their artistic wanking, this is perfect.

There's Pop-Art, Drawing, Pinhole (for pictures with vignettes), and Fisheye. Yes, fisheye. Although some dslrfags might argue that it's not as good as taking pictures with real fisheye lens. But then again, I don't want to spend a lot on things I don't use that often.

Eh, dah macam iklan dah. Damn, entah bila aku mampu nak beli ni pun aku tak tau.

Kepada Olympus, aku dah buat promosi free ni weh! Hahaha. Am I turning into a photofag myself? Maybe I should learn all these photography jargon. Aih.

p/s: an entry a day? gua sahut cabaran lu, Matematis Muda!

p/p/s: Entri ini ialah pandangan peribadi penulis, seorang budak yang tak tau apa-apa tentang photography, cameras, and such. Maaf photofags semua kalau salah cakap/salah beri pandangan/rasa tersinggung. Wattahell????

p/p/p/s: INB4 orang kata aku curi terms and gaya bahasa blog orang lain, fuck you, newfags. Ever heard of 4chan? duhh.

quoted.

2010-06-08T21:29:00.000+08:00

"by the power of truth, I, while living, have conquered the universe"

p/s: 10 minutes in Photoshop, and voila! another new entry! Ahahahaha!

the hate list: see-through clothes.

2010-06-04T23:03:00.003+08:00

pic taken from http://itminaan90.blogspot.com/

I think we've had enough of these monstrosities already. They're just plain ugly and stupid. It's one thing to be clothed, and another to be scantily-clad, but somehow some geniuses came up with the idea of combining these two elements together. The result? Lame-ass ugly traditional costumes.

And I thought traditional costumes are meant to keep you covered and preserve modesty.

But morals and religious issues aside, why would people wear this? Isn't it kinda silly to wear something that exposes your undies?

Sexiness? Urghh, exposed-but-covered-with-a-layer-of-transparent-cloth skin is so NOT sexy. Seriously, go show some real skin or wear tights if you're so desperate to appear sexy. I personally think that that person in the picture would look much less retarded if she skipped the whole kebaya top thingy and just wear the white dress underneath.

But wait, here's another thing, people wearing these see-through baju kurungs WITH the tudung! WTF, right??

Yeah, it's a real nice gesture. Following Islam's great dressing guidelines and all. But that's just wrong, darling. :). What's the point of wearing the tudung, if I can still see your bra straps and a big chunk of skin behind you? It's like watching a person wearing Eskimo clothing in Egypt. Dangerously out-of-place, innit?

Thus, I declare war on these ludicrous see-through dresses. Because dressing up means making yourself look beautiful and attractive, not awkwardly out-of-place and retarded. :)

the replacement.

2010-06-02T21:18:00.001+08:00

old and busted.

new hotness.

And hey, presto! A new entry! Hahaha :P

p/s: memang lame. Nak buat macam mana, aku beli kat pasar malam je. Itupun sebab wallet lama dah dog-eared gila vavi kot.

grindcore is love.

2010-05-25T02:16:00.003+08:00

Pictures of feet, hands, and obscured faces are trendy. Your argument is invalid.

"Let's go, don't wait, this night's almost over
Honest, let's make this night last forever
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever" - Blink-182.

sikit lagi.

2010-05-18T21:09:00.000+08:00

Little by little, that void I mentioned a while back started to open up. If anything, it's a good sign for things to come. :)

There's hope, but let us get depressed for one last time.

Blink-182 - Down.

comeback's-a-coming. :)

bila aku baca balik blog sendiri.

2010-05-12T18:57:00.001+08:00

Aku perasan yang perkataan paling kerap disebut ialah "dude".

rasa nak tukar ah. Ok lepas ni aku akan guna 'mat', 'bai', ataupun 'geng'. Baru la semangat 1Malaysia sikit. Kah kah kah!

ok tak?

damn, aku masih lagi tepu. Shooh shooh!

bosan.

2010-05-02T21:22:00.000+08:00

This void.

It consumes me too much. Everything around me, the past, the future, is uncertain. I feel like I'm in a fucking vacuum.

Which

sucks

everything

inwards.

It'll drive us beyond the point of madness.

Dude, aku dah tepu. Sangat tepu. Blog ni rasa macam dah tak hidup. I wanna gather the pieces of myself back. I need to be strong to face this, this black hole with the power of gravity that's beyond over9000 kN. It literally sucks me inside. Aku tak boleh nak nampak options dan jalan keluar. (Ah, memang cryptic dan bermetafora sungguh entri ni)

Dude, Izinkan aku undur diri sebentar. I wanna sort this mess up. Aku akan kembali aktif menulis. Sooner or later.

Okey?

this void.

2010-04-25T13:18:00.002+08:00

Everything's too.. repetitive and stereotypical.

Please. Get me out of this, this big open chasm, devoid of everything that's fun and good.

( -___-'''')

dua benda dalam satu entri.

2010-04-12T18:58:00.000+08:00

Quote Pilihan Hari Ini.

"Weh Chin, perut kau boroi ni mesti sebab selalu minum minuman keras kan?"

-senior tempat kerja.

Bagi aku statement tu biasa-biasa saja. Tapi orang selalu cakap arak, bukan minuman keras. Itu sangat klasik oke! Hahaha.

Change.

Azmi (bukan nama sebenar) hubungi aku kelmarin. Katanya aku dah berubah. Tulisan aku pun bukan macam dulu lagi dah. No longer fueled by anger, kata orang.

Erm, aku rasa normal je kot. Mungkin sejak bila adanya Cik Madu, aku jadi kurang marah kot? Hehehe tapi jangan risau. Macam House kata - people don't change, at least not in a way that mattered.

Entahlah. Aku rasa kalau kau nak berubah, boleh je kot. Kearah yang positif lah. Badan yang sihat, dekatkan diri dengan Tuhan, hubungan dengan manusia lain, semuanya kau boleh perbaiki lagi.

Willpower, dude. Change won't come that easily.

Err, pasal entri ini, itu bukan bermakna aku dah berubah. Berbunga sekejap je. Asyik nak emo memanjang apa guna, dude! Hahaha.

Yang pasti, aku takkan jadi macam ni. Harap-haraplah! Haha.

Kang, jalok ngapuro awal-awal eh? :)

ini sangat-sangat betul.

2010-04-08T20:51:00.000+08:00

"Wow, you really take care of your relationship with other people eh? How about your relationship with God?"

I'll just leave this here.

el fuego del amor.

2010-04-07T00:50:00.000+08:00

Terbangun lambat lagi. Van tempat kerja dah nak sampai.

Gua terus rush pergi bilik air. Air tak ada. "Fuck!!!" gua jerit. Nasib baik water filter ada air sikit.

Basuh muka dan gosok gigi ala-kadar. Sembur deodorant sikit, tak la obvious sangat tak mandi nanti. Gua sarung baju kerja cepat-cepat.

Telefon dah berdering. Drebar van sudah call siak. Gua angkat cakap "kejap! kejap!". Cari stokin dah tak jumpa. Gasak lah kau sarung safety boot tak ada stokin, Huzai. biar kaki melecet.

Sampai tempat kerja, gua baru realize yang gua tertinggal wallet. Nak breakfast, hutang la jawabnya. Rokok pulak dah habis. Nak beli duit tak ada.

"Damn! Everything's falling right into place, kan? What a 'perfect' way to start the day!" gua menyumpah seranah dalam hati. Rasa macam malas nak kerja dah ni.

Gua baru angkat kaki dari kantin, handphone bunyi lagi. Cik Madu call, baru bangun tidur, suara serak-serak basah. "You...." katanya.

Arakian, hari yang bermula dengan teruk itu terus jadi indah. Sedar tak sedar dah time balik kerja dah. :)

quote pilihan hari ini.

2010-04-05T18:07:00.001+08:00

"Seorang lelaki bermisai tipis" - Huzai (itu aku).

Dude, aku dedikasikan untuk kamu.

Ha ha ha.

relevation.

2010-04-02T01:03:00.000+08:00

Orang kata budak-budak sangat ikhlas dan innocent. Mungkin.

Aku duduk dekat stesen bas, sambil baca komik. Datang seorang budak kecik tanya aku:

"Pakcik, bas nak pergi JB nak beli kat kaunter mana eh?"

Aku rasa sedih, dude.

growing up.

2010-03-15T21:03:00.003+08:00

Bila aku tonton movies/series dengan adik-adik sepupu, selalunya soalan yang akan ditanya ialah:

"Dia ni jahat ke baik?"

It made me think. When we were young, things were always in black and white.
Complete polar opposites. good versus evil, rich versus poor, up and down.

Tak boleh comprehend benda-benda yang in-between. Tak boleh ada karekter yang berpura-pura.
They must stick to their roles. Yin dan Yang, keseimbangan kosmos.

But somewhere along the way, the lines get blurred. Hitam putih bercampur, jadi kelabu, tak ada yang kamu boleh betul-betul pigeonhole dalam satu kategori baik/jahat.
Kamu perlu jadi suspicious pada keadaan sekeliling. The ways of the world, kata the filthy rich and old wise men.

The innocence is lost, tak ada benda yand simple sekarang. Might as well enjoy while it lasts, kids.

The same goes for human desires. The good life then was desire for simple things.
Food on the table, friends and toys to play with, love from mum and dad, good grades in school,
going to a better place when we die. Tak rumit.

Lepas tu mula mahu bigger and better things. Apa yang sedia ada dah tak cukup.
MOAR!!! Money, worldly posessions, that curvy chick you saw in the cafeteria. The list goes on.

Aku rasa sangat bertuah, sebab masa membesar dulu tak semua benda yang aku nak, aku dapat.

Money was always tight, kawan sepermainan sangat scarce sebab aku tak boleh keluar rumah, tak pernah pakai handphone masa zaman sekolah. Semuanya parents aku salurkan kearah buku dan pelajaran.

Syukur, itu buat aku mampu berada pada tahap pemikiran sekarang (eceh!)

What's important is when you want it, work for it and never take things for granted.
(parents dah fokus pada pelajaran pun kau still extend jugak dulu Huzai oi!!) Haha, itu pun take things for granted jugak, sebab laluan aku nak masuk universiti dulu sangat mudah. Learn from my mistake, dudes.

Ini semua pengalaman nak dewasakan diri. Life is good when it's simple.
Tapi kalau kau nak bigger and better things pun tak salah. Asalkan pendapatan kau berkadar terus dengan desires kau lah. Graf lurus. Kalau lebih nanti terkeluar dari standard deviation bell curve.
(okay Encik Matematis Muda, sila terangkan. Haha)

"well I guess this is growing up" - Dammit, Blink-182.

sayang.

2010-03-13T18:15:00.001+08:00

I wish I could quit you. My lungs, heart, and wallet hurts too much because of you.

But what would I do without feeling that drag across my throat, the headiness of your essence.

With shaking hands, I submit once more to your will. Knowing full well that you're killing me, little by little.

workspace.

2010-03-11T23:04:00.003+08:00

Kelam dan Tertekan.

gratitude.

2010-03-10T20:55:00.003+08:00

'Chasing Happiness'

Melankolik. Aku rasa macam sedang lihat satu metafora. People racing and going out of their way to get what they desire. Lives pouring in and out of the capital. On and on and on...

Dude, aku sayang kamu.

Ngeh!

aku tau kau curious, tapi WTF??

2010-03-06T18:54:00.001+08:00

Aku guna Firefox sebagai default browser aku, and it's really convenient not having to type out the full address and all that (unlike in shitty Internet Explorer).

Just type in the keyword at the address bar and Google search kicks in, showing you the most relevant sites, and sometimes even taking you to the site that you were searching for. Try typing the keyword 'House' at the address bar in Firefox and see where it takes you. Terus ke laman web Fox.com.

Dah jadi kebiasaan, kalau aku nak check blog aku sendiri, aku terus type 'huziology' dalam address bar, atau Google search saja sebab aku buat homepage Google.

But I just typed in 'Hu', and Google began suggesting the keywords most searched for from Malaysia.

Dan aku terus LOL. Haih Melayu, this what happens when you watch too much porn, you get to point where you want to try it out:

(seperti biasa, click to enlarge ya~)

But you HAVE been watching porn, which is surely haram, and now you're concerned with hukum? LMAO. Oh well, have fun trying that out. But make sure your wife agrees to it first, lest she sees you as a perv. Hahaha!

sepi.

2010-03-01T23:58:00.002+08:00

Senjakala di Kulai. Penuh dengan imbasan kehidupan masa silam. Sambil aku duduk depan rumah dan tengok budak-budak main pasir.

Pening dengan masalah tempat kerja, dengan bos yang asyik membebel. "Hari Khamis ni audit! Siapkan itu.. siapkan ini.."

Yada yada yada.

Aku gulung rokok daun padat-padat. It has come down to this,. Satu sisi kehidupan seorang outsider di negeri selatan ini. Batu Pahat, Pontian, Rengit, Linggiu, Petri Jaya, semuanya tak bawa sebarang makna. Tak ada member, tak ada gadis-gadis comel bermini skirt yang akan lambai tangan bila disapa. Tak ada teman yang boleh bawa masuk studio untuk jamming grengg grengg dishdishdish waarghh warghh.

Bundle pun tak best. Apa korang tak tahu erti sebenar 'menyelam' bundle ke hah? Ini buat aku rage tak sudah. Tak ada outlet nak lepaskan marah.

"Punk? Hakkor? Grenkor? Ishh, kumpulan Amuk aku tau la" - kata lelaki rempit berkaca mata Ray Ban (palsu) dan berseluar Levi's (juga palsu) yang 'cikang' kat kaki dari atas motor Y125 bersport rim hodoh (Racing Boy).

Tipikal. Tak boleh nak masuk kepala. Rempit rempit rempit, karaoke hari hari, bawa minah rempit hodoh bibir tebal rambut karat separuh kehulu-hilir, itu bukan gaya aku.

Dan aku sudah high dari rokok daun tadi. Ah, mungkin itu takdir, dari kecil sampai besar, kau tetap akan jadi seorang outsider, dimana-mana pun.

Ah sudah, dari aku emorock From First To Last, baik aku masuk rumah. Maghrib dah. Duhh.

it's nerdy time!

2010-02-25T20:54:00.002+08:00

Tunggu creative juices aku mengalir. Entri-entri yang epic bakal menyusul (mungkin).

On a different note, duit gaji aku bulan lepas dah habis. Tapi tak apa, sebab koleksi Harry Potter aku dah lengkap (ngeh!). Sekarang aku tengah menghadam buku ni:

whoop de doo. Baca sambil smoke Marlboro Reds dan makan Chipsmore celup susu dekat tepi katil itu best.

remember this?

2010-02-14T21:12:00.003+08:00

Atau mungkin kau tak pernah tonton. Filem tahun 1982 ni, aku pun tak lahir lagi. Tapi dia ada main dekat TV2 masa aku kecil dulu. Effing awesome, dude! Terutamanya Light Cycle dia, motorcycles that leave behind a wall of light that can destroy other Light Cycles, perghh!

Terbaik wa cakap lu. You can't say that you're a movie buff until you've watched this. Ada impact yang besar pada pop-culture, dude.

I stumbled upon this while wasting my time on Youtube. Ok, mungkin aku lambat tau, tapi aku nak share jugak. Memang aku nantikan filem ni:

Graphics wise, memang lawa. Story-wise aku tak tahu. Sama-samalah nantikan, ya?

kembali.

2010-02-09T22:30:00.005+08:00

I know, I know.. haven't updated for the longest time. Yada yada yada.

Maaf semua. Aku busy dengan kerja sekarang, ini pun aku update sebab dekat rumah dah pasang Streamyx (1MBps woohoo!)

Ignore last post yang pasal liberasi tu. Memang, aku dah pegang duit sendiri sekarang. Tapi sebab kerjalah aku tak ada masa untuk benda lain. Forget about having a social life. Nak turun Melaka jumpa kawan-kawan pun tak sempat, dude.

Kerja sebagai Engineering staff di kilang plastik injection moulding, Isnin sampai Sabtu, 8 pagi sampai 4.30 petang. It really doesn't leave much time for anything else, bak kata kawan aku, "Bangla pun tau cuti"

Jadi sekarang aku balik kerja setakat mengadap DoTA, Internet, dan House MD saja. On and on and on and on..

Tak apalah. Facebook masih ada. Cuma rasa nak jamming, nak lepak, nak duduk rumah sepanjang hari tanpa buat apa-apa tu kadang-kadang timbul.

Aku nak cepat sambung degree. For a better job, better pay, and definitely more time off work. If it's one thing I've learned while working here, it's that good education brings less work for more pay. Compared to the technicians and the operators here, I should consider myself lucky.

Damn! I don't wanna grow up! Bak kata The Ramones. Kalau boleh, semua orang pun tak mau jadi dewasa.

Too much responsibility to cope with. But no one can escape it. What we CAN do is to make the best of adulthood, and never lose the kid inside us while we're at it.

Ceh. Umur baru 21 dah berlagak! Hahaha!

liberation

2009-11-28T22:27:00.003+08:00

Bebas.

Perkataan yang aku fikir bila dah habiskan diploma.

Sangat berlawanan dengan keadaan aku sekarang. Langsung tak bebas.

Terperap dalam rumah sepanjang hari, main DoTA, tidur, makan, dengar lagu, baca novel, main Photoshop.

Fuck. I need to get a fucking job. Gila ke dah tua bangka tapi mintak mak duit untuk beli rokok?

6 bulan lagi sebelum masuk Degree (God willing). And I'm not going to spend that time doing nothing.

Don't get me wrong, aku suka bermalasan. Tapi aku benci bila tak berduit.

Berduit! itu liberation bagi aku. Boleh keluar bila aku mau, boleh beli apa-apa yang aku nak.

Dah. Aku nak job hunt. Mungkin akan lebih jarang menulis disini (al maklumlah dah bekerjaya!) atau lebih rajin (al maklumlah bosan duduk opis!). Who knows?

blogging off.

kreng.

2009-11-07T09:51:00.002+08:00

Aku rindu nak main gig. Aku nak jamming. Aku nak scream penuh emosi. Aku nak growl, pigsqueal sampai batuk. Aku nak strum guitar kuat-kuat. Aku nak buat pinch harmonic banyak-banyak. Aku nak main 5 lagu yang aku tau sampai lebam.

Tapi aku ada exam.

21

2009-11-05T11:17:00.001+08:00

Bukan sekadar nombor.

ok, aku tiru entri dammit bulat-bulat. Tapi Tak apa, dia dah bagi kebenaran. Ahaha

wishful thinking.

2009-11-01T09:57:00.008+08:00

(click to enlarge)

Pertama kali aku buat typography. Guna Photoshop secara keseluruhannya. Aku dedikasikan untuk semua pembaca. Walaupun kau bukan pelajar UniKL Micet, tak apa. (itu bukan Helvetica, jadi memang tak berapa nak lawa. Jangan komplen)

.......................................................................

Yeah, I'm going through my finals. Kertas terakhir dalam program diploma Chemical Engineering aku. Harap-haraplah.

Dude, apa kata kau relakskan mata yang dah penat study tu, tengok 'keindahan' dalam video ni:

heheh, mathcore juga bisa jatuh cinta. :P

untitled

2009-10-24T04:55:00.003+08:00

I realized that, after nearly two years of moving away from Shah Alam, I'm losing my old friends. And the very thought of that saddens me.

Naturally, I became very close with my circle of friends at the University - the guys from the old gang and The Band. 3 years is all it takes for us to bond. And maybe I've changed in one way or the other, because of them. But that's just human nature.

Gregory House was wrong, people really DO change, it's just a matter of time and place.

But if you really love someone, be it your friends or your relatives, you'll accept them as they are. For better or worse.

Dudes, I'm sorry if I've become something that you didn't like. I really am. And I fucking miss you guys. Being unable to hang out with you lot any more 'cause I'm just too far away, it's not an easy situation to be in, trust me.

Let's make this last, for old times' sake, shall we?

mbak, emangnya gue nggak suka kaya gini.

2009-10-07T14:14:00.006+08:00

Hate leads to suffering, kata Yoda.

Yeah, I was referring to the current feud between my country and another neighbouring one.

Dude, isu ni dah lama kot. Aku rasa dah tak ada shock-value pun kalau orang dengar sekarang. Masa 1960-an dulu, sebab gagasan Malaysia, sekarang isu Malingsia pulak.

Bosan tau tak?

Perihal Budaya

Dude, aku faham kalau kau nak tuduh yang Malaysia curi dan claim origin atas culture dan seni dari Indonesia, seriously, aku faham.

Yang aku tak faham, kenapa kau nak get so worked up eh? Chill la. Dah kata kita serumpun, naturally culture kita ada yang sama.

Aku anak Malaysia, tapi aku berketurunan Jawa, dude. Nak kata aku curi Javanese culture dari kepulauan Jawa ke?

Reog itu budaya aku, Gamelan itu budaya aku, kuda kepang itu budaya aku juga, heck, Bahasa Jawa pun budaya aku (walaupon iso ngomongya sitik-sitik waehh.. Hahaha).
Budaya aku=budaya Malaysia juga.

Cultures and arts are universal, dude. I mean, look at Singapore, they basically inherit their cultures elsewhere, Malaysia included. They even claimed it was 'Uniquely Singapore'. You don't see Malaysians booing them and calling them names, do you?

aku rasa kalau kau pandai, kau akan notice yang aku tulis 'inherit', that being the imperative word. Kalau kau tak faham, aku pun tak boleh nak cakap apa lagi dah.

Sedangkan Lidah Lagi Tergigit..

Pasal panggilan 'Indon'. Kau tak suka, fine. Well, aku pun tak suka kalau dipanggil 'Malay'. Panggil 'Melayu' tak boleh?

Dude, aku boleh je kot nak panggil kau 'Indo', but people being what they are, they get stuck in habit. Dah biasa, dude.

Bukannya aku panggil kau Retard ke, Pedophiles ke, Rapist ke. Asal tak derogatory, sudah. The term 'Indon' doesn't even mean anything, so why the fuss?

Vicious Cycle

For our part, orang Malaysia sendiri perlu ada rasa hormat. Cuba tengok komen-komen menghina Indonesia dekat Youtube, Laman Myspace pasukan anti-Malingsia, banyak lagi lah.

Dude, aku sedih bila kau argue tentang benda trivial gila, lepas tu tak boleh keluarkan satu intellectual arguement, kau keluarkan kata-kata hina, mencarut, dan sebagainya. Real mature, kan?

I mean, what the FUCK? Indonesia is NOT merely a nation of maids and construction workers. Mungkin itu saja yang akal kecil kau boleh nampak, but there's more to that.

Kalau orang cakap yang Malaysia ni negara yang outsource pekerjaan sampai rakyat sendiri tak ada kerja, kau setuju? Tapi itulah apa yang orang luar nampak, kan? (ini pengalaman sendiri ditanya oleh orang asing. Hahaha)

Rasa benci hanya akan bawa pada lebih perasaan benci. Aku pasti adanya anak Indonesia yang berpendirian macam aku, yang tak menyokong mana-mana pihak, yang lebih sukakan kedamaian bersama dan bukannya pergaduhan.

Kita semua dah besar, dude. Ini masanya untuk fikir secara matang, bukan setakat lawan balas komen menghina dekat Youtube dan Myspace.

Erm, good thing I haven't found those kind of comments in Facebook yet. Jadi, mainlah Facebook dan bukan Myspace ya? Gerenti kau tak pening kepala dengan isu ni. Ahahaha

raya, and the aftermath.

2009-09-29T14:56:00.002+08:00

Dude, Selamat Hari Raya, dan minta maaf banyak-banyak (sebab tak update blog) Hahaha.

Aku rasa bila kita makin tua, raya dah makin tak seronok. Cuma yang masih relevan, juadah raya.

Dan perut aku semakin besar lepas raya. Seminggu yang dihabiskan dengan makan, makan, dan makan.

Too much festive food, until I start longing for normal food again.

Berat aku naik lebih dari berat yang turun masa puasa. Tapi nak buat macam mana, ayam masak merah dan ketupat buatan nenek memang terbaik.

Dah, aku nak buat 500 reps atas StairMaster aku. Masa untuk kembali workout.

Ingat, tahan nafsu makan, dude!

did you know that..

2009-09-01T14:14:00.002+08:00

Pada masa-masa sebegini, mimpi apa yang paling best kalau kau tidur?

Mimpi makan. 'Nuff said.

sangap

2009-08-22T05:27:00.004+08:00

"I have a resolution." Kata Lelaki Kacak semasa sahur. "I won't buy any cigarettes at all during the fasting month. Masa untuk saving dan berhenti, dude."

"Okay. Have it your way then. Makan dan niat, jom!" Aku balas.

..................................

15 minit sebelum waktu Imsak, aku sediakan diri, mental dan fizikal, untuk tahan ketagihan nikotina sepanjang hari.

I smoked a stick of Reds. The only one for what is going to be a tough and trying day.

"Cepat sikit dowh, takut tak sempat" Kata Lelaki Kacak

"Sabo. Sempat kot.. rilek sudah.. ada lagi 15 minit."

"Yeke? Kalau macam tu, bak sebatang.."

"I thought you said you were quitting?"

"I'd quit buying 'em. Paw tetap paw"

"Kau nak rasa penampar tak?"

..........................................

On a side note, happy fasting to all Muslims. Ingat, bukan tahan lapar dan dahaga saja. Mata, telinga, mulut, tangan, dan hati pun kena jaga. Grind on!

mimpi colossus.

2009-08-09T03:48:00.005+08:00

"You nak apa time hari jadi you nanti?"

"Erm, beg Louis Vuitton.."

"Beg Luis Vui-ton?"

"Lu-wi-vi-ton lah"

"Oh, macam tu ke sebutnya? lagi?"

"Epiphone Les Paul"

"Ok.."

"Watcha asking me for? You nak belikan I ke?"

"Nahh. In your dreams, dude."

"I dah agak dah.."

adakalanya berseorangan itu bagus.

2009-07-29T01:44:00.004+08:00

Bila jeritan itu jadi membosankan. Bila kebisingan itu memekakkan telinga. Bila kau rasa kesunyian ditengah ramai. Dan bila kau rasa jelik dengan orang sekeliling.

hanya bertemankan diri sendiri bila dunia luar itu buat kita bersedih. :'(

the prodigal son hath returneth.

2009-07-26T01:12:00.007+08:00

Lama gila tak update kan? Sebab aku serabut dengan masalah pendaftaran semester baru, masalah pindah rumah sewa, dan sedikit gangguan emosi (!). Talian internet yang lembab juga mainkan peranan penting. Semuanya buat aku 'senyap' seketika dari blogosfera.

Aku baru dapat daftar semester baru. Akhirnya segala masalah dengan finance dapat diselesaikan. Memang leceh kalau jadi budak extend. (ok, aku bodoh, sila boo beramai-ramai) walaupun alasan official aku ialah drop subjek untuk jaga pointer. :)

That's it for now. Lepas ni aku kembali dengan topik-topic yang sensational! yeah! What matters now is Selangor FA won the TM Liga Super. So for Pahang FA fans, booyah! :P

hapdet.

2009-07-14T17:26:00.001+08:00

just... a lil'... more time.

k?

hardship.

2009-06-25T12:34:00.003+08:00

Aku tonton televisyen bersama Lelaki Hot dan Perempuan Chubby. Rancangan Bersamamu, episod yang tipikal.

"Always the same. They don't have enough money, tapi buat anak banyak-banyak. The rich struggle to get pregnant, while the poor don't even need to try" Komen Lelaki Hot.

Perempuan Chubby mula rush in to their defence, "Tak baik. Anak tu kan rezeki.."

"Rezeki.. another child, another mouth to feed. That's the reality." kata Lelaki Hot.

Ya, aku tersepit dalam perbalahan antara seorang realist dan seorang idealist cum moralist.

"Obviously you tak pernah hidup susah, sebab tu you boleh cakap macam tu" kata Lelaki Hot.

"Maybe, tapi I faham kesusahan diorang tu." balas Perempuan Chubby.

Dan statement itu buat aku gelak. "Really?" Aku tanya dia balik. "You rasa you tahu kesusahan tu macam mana? Imagine having no food or money, but your 10 children are hungry and starts to cry. You manage to borrow some rice from your neighbor, but will that be enough? Adil ke untuk anak-anak you macam tu?"

"Yeah. I rasa macam zalim je nak buat anak, pastu tak mampu nak bagi dia makanan dan tempat tinggal yang sempurna." tambah Lelaki Hot lagi.

"Okay, you guys win. Can we watch something else? Rancangan ni gila depressing" balas Perempuan Chubby.

Jadi aku tukar channel. Tapi topik tadi tak habis lagi. Setengah jam lepas tu, Lelaki Hot bagi rumusan: "The hardcore poor gets children easily because of regular unprotected sex. Well, they don't have money to waste on things like condoms and such. Kan?"

"Yeah, lepas tu dia orang tak ada sumber entertainment lain other than buat anak. Ya gotta admit, it is fun. Heheh." Balas Perempuan Chubby.

Akhirnya, realis dan idealis mencapai kata sepakat dan aku boleh tonton televisyen dengan tenang.

dizzy.

2009-06-23T20:41:00.005+08:00

Duduk sambil berselubung selimut. Kadang kala tangan sengaja menarik rambut sendiri. Biar lebih messy.

"Fuuuuuuuckkk!!!" Aku mengeluh. Kepala makin sakit, berdenyut-denyut. Mata dah merah. 2 biji pil putih bertulisan Panadol dah masuk dalam badan.

Aku teguk sedikit 100 Plus. Sambil capai lighter dan Marlboro Reds. Asap hasil pembakaran tembakau gred premium itu aku hirup dalam-dalam. Sambil hela asap keluar dari paru-paru aku kecapkan bibir dan lidah. "Dah tak rasa berlemak macam dulu.." Aku ucap perlahan-lahan.

Aku duduk dan tunggu sambil habiskan rokok tadi. Panas dan berlengas, aku kuatkan kipas sedikit.

Keadaan dalam bilik gelap. Sumber cahaya datang dari skrin komputer yang terpasang. Dan aku terus duduk, tunggu, sambil sakit kepala tadi semakin berdenyut.

Bara di hujung rokok aku jatuh ke bawah tiba tiba. "Damn!" Aku terus cuba untuk kuis bara atas tilam sebelum merebak. Tapi angin dari kipas tadi lebih membantu penyebaran api. Aku ambil 100 Plus dan simbah sedikit.

Dalam kesakitan kepala yang berdenyut-denyut, aku berjaya padamkan api. Tiba tiba terdengar dentuman kuat. Aku jatuh, tak bergerak, tak bernyawa...

"FIRST BLOOD!!" Jerit rakan-rakan dari bilik sebelah.

"Syial ar.. Aku tengah sakit kepala boleh aaa.. lagipun Stealth Assasin aku tu tengah lemah kot. Tidak boleh je lari dari kau punya Lightning Revenant uh, lagipun kau ada Boots of Speed.. " Aku balas. Dalam rasa bitter dan sakit kepala aku keluar dari game dan terus tidur.

notakaki #1: Jangan berjaga setiap malam untuk main DoTA. Kamu akan sakit kepala.
notakaki #2: Sila pastikan pembakaran rokok kamu sempurna untuk rasa yang optimum dan keselamatan semasa merokok agar bara tak jatuh.

thought i'd clear something up.

2009-06-19T10:51:00.004+08:00

Dude, kau tak boleh puaskan hati semua orang. I've said it once, and i'm gonna say it a thousand times more.

They wanna hurt you, diss out on you. Biarkan sampai mereka penat. Bottom line, bukan semua orang hargai diri kau dan apa yang kau buat. Haters tu wujud dimana-mana. Tak guna kau habiskan masa, tenaga, dan duit dalam usaha untuk cuba impress mereka. They'll still hate you.

Kau akan rasa lebih miserable kalau terus menerus macam ni. To put it lightly, just get on with your fuckin' life, dan teruskanlah buat apa yang kau rasa betul. Kau lebih rela tengok siapa gembira, diri kau sendiri atau mereka?

Dude, aku dah malas nak cakap lebih-lebih. Go on pleasing everyone, and see where it leads you. I've been down that road before, and the scenery ain't nice at all. Call me selfish or whatever. It's better to create your own happiness, rather than relying on other people.

But don't get me wrong. Kau masih perlukan orang lain. Kau masih perlukan member-member. But yeah, 'member' ke kalau dah asyik susahkan hati kau dan buat kau sendiri sedih? kau perlukan balance, dude. Adakala kau perlu sendiri, dan masa-masa yang lain kau perlu juga rakan-rakan. Ganging up on people and psychological rejection, it shows just how immature they are. But you should not let it bother you. 'Cause you're better than that, and you know it yourself.

Entri ni serius sikit. Sikit je. Normal postings will resume after this. Kesimpulannya semua pihak haruslah bekerjasama dalam menyelesaikan masalah ini agar wawasan negara tercapai, setanding dengan visi cemerlang, gemilang, dan terbilang. <----- Ending standard rumusan/karangan jenis fakta masa sekolah dulu. Haha! :)

notice.

2009-06-15T06:00:00.009+08:00

this blog is currently 'under maintenance'. the author is 'on a creative break' and is unavailable for comments.

i feel a massive writer's block coming on. but i promise ya, the blog will be up and running again, ........soon. but how soon is soon? heheh. :p

gentlemen, before i go, i present you with this:

(click to enlarge)
[Gelore Nafsu performing at What The Fest? Part 2 - 12 July. Goodang Noisy, Ampang]

away. menghabiskan masa dengan buku-buku karya Kiran Desai dan Hari Kunzru.

.

maram perapu kepunden param sekeper.

2009-06-06T06:54:00.001+08:00

Bai, lu kena sedar asal usul sikit. Kue bilang kue bocah jowo, tapi iso ngomong sitik-sitik waeh. Patut lu bangga bai. Bukan semua orang ada darah jawa macam lu. Tak ada semangat jawa hardcore langsung.

Ono sopo-sopo nang kene wong jowo seng iso ngomong ora? Biar dia orang ajar lu. Baru kue iso ngobrol karo Wak Juna koyo embah-embah kito. Hahaha!

wong jowo ora isin ngomong jowo. Nyoro kabih bodo melebu..!

death becomes us.

2009-06-03T23:36:00.008+08:00

"That could kill you"

"What?"

"That cigarette, or Cancer Sticks, as those 'oh-look-at-me-i'm-better-and-healthier-than-you-because-i-don't-smoke' type of people refer to it."

"This? Oh well, everybody dies, in one way or the other. "

"......betul jugak"

further reading here and here.

And to all the smokers like me out there, please don't be selfish. Definitely no smoking when you're pregnant, in a non-smoking area, or when being around politically-correct-and-morally-uptight non-smokers. We're already a "hated minority". So don't make this harder than it already is. Ahahah!

nostalgia #2: setahun berlalu.

2009-06-01T23:35:00.010+08:00

Rupa-rupanya umur huziology dah setahun empat bulan.

Sebagai hadiah untuk diri aku sendiri (dan juga untuk kau orang yang setia membaca) aku publishkan semula entri-entri lama yang aku dah delete (entri-entri sebelum Januari 2009)

Entri-entri lama ni boleh dicari di arkib blog aku. Semuanya bertarikh tahun 2008.

Tapi bukan semua. Entri-entri terpilih sajalah. Aku buat secara berperingkat. Ini pun sebab aku baru dapat recover balik, jadi silalah tunggu.

mesti kau nak baca pasal menyasar tu kan? aku dah agak dah. heheh.

a wee little bit of advice #2

2009-06-01T05:53:00.008+08:00

Love is something that just happens. It's not something you can force or push away. But you gotta do something about it soon. Or else it's going to be very painful and THAT sucks, big time.

*babi ah apa kena dengan aku ni? haih, maaf ya rakan-rakan. Saya sedikit emo kebelakangan ini. :(

ruangmasa beku #2

2009-05-31T18:28:00.016+08:00

These are really long overdue. Oh well, enjoy~

*and like always, please click to enlarge

Jejak kasih bersama sahabat lama yang terpisah sejak darjah 5, dan ramai sahabat serta kenalan baru. Juga "blind-gay-date" di kedai mamak yang sangat romantik bersama dua jejaka kacak!

a wee little bit of advice

2009-05-23T12:25:00.005+08:00

Rejection, my friends, is never easy to stomach. But you can't always have what you want. So stop beating yourself up and questioning your self-worth, because it's not your loss, it's theirs.

but hey, rejection upon rejection leads to acceptance, right? :)

Have a great life y'all.

confessions #1.

2009-05-22T09:51:00.007+08:00

Aku tak pernah memiliki kasut mahal.

Masa sekolah dulu aku idamkan sepasang Chuck Taylor 'Ostar'. Tapi apakah daya, hanya mampu beli North Star warna putih, pakai pergi sekolah, padam tulisan "North Star" kat belakang tumit tu dan tulis "All Star" pakai marker pen. Apa barang imitation goods!

Agaknya kasut paling mahal aku dulu sepasang Air Force 1 Hi-cut tiruan warna hitam merah kot? Itupun kumpul duit raya masa form 4, beli kat Jalan Pasar. Hahaha!

Aku masih maukan kasut 'ostar'. Ada sesiapa nak jual? Murah-murah sudah!

have I told you lately....?

2009-05-21T14:04:00.005+08:00

That I loooove you guys?. Every single one of ya out there.

Seriously. Even though I don't know most of you personally. I'm grateful for this liaison that's been formed here.

So there. Heheh.

P/s: special thanks goes to you and you, for taking time and money to come and watch my band's performance at the last gig. Even though you guys missed it. :p.

Thanks for coming guys! It's been a real pleasure meeting ya. (my friends referred to it as a "blind-gay-date". Hahaha!)

yup!

2009-05-21T09:35:00.002+08:00

I'm back. New updates coming up!

Nostalgia: Dengan Kuasa Bulan, Akan Menghukummu!

2009-05-07T05:36:00.005+08:00

OK, ignore previous post. Tiba-tiba aku rajin update pulak (time tak ada internet lah aku rajin update!)

Baca semula tajuk diatas. Tahu kan itu frasa untuk apa? Yep. Girly stuff, aku tahu. Haha. Layan saja.

Lyrics:

Mungkin ku tak pernah berterus terang
Bukan ku tak mempercayaimu
Namun sebelum ku berganti rupa
Ingin aku menemuimu

Ku kan bermandi cahaya bulan
Yang cemerlang dimalam yang cerah
Memang telah lama kurasakan
Ingin menolong yang lemah

Tiba tiba keajaiban terjadi
Kekuatan muncul di diri

Untuk melawan semua kejahatan
Kekuatanku harus digunakan
Menegakkan segala kebenaran
Ini keajaiban alam
Aku mempercayainya
Ini keajaiban alam..

Heh. Sekarang gua cabar lu sing-along sekali. Kema, ada bran?

Pelempang Hardcore Punk!

2009-05-01T21:42:00.004+08:00

(click to enlarge)

Tiba-tiba mathcore nak main gig sXe pulak. Agak-agak kalau aku hisap rokok diorang lempang tak? Heehee. Kena ambil feel punk rock dulu-dulu ni. :D

p/s: praktikal dah habis. yay!

ekceli

2009-04-25T03:01:00.003+08:00

Aku: ekceli, ak tasuke gle nk bc klu org tlis gni. tp nk wt cane, blog ko, bkn blog ak. Tapi tulis elok-elok kan lawa?

Dia: ikt ske aty ak la nk tlis cane pn. tasuke xyahla bc kn??? yu stupids maderfaker. dont come to my blog anymore. knp? ko jles ek tgk ak cite sal hdop ak kt london? taula ko xnah g ctu n xfhm ble ak tlis dlm bi.

*perbualan perutusan yahoo (Yahoo Messenger) diatas telah diubah demi kesesuaian entri*

Sebenarnya aku tak kenal dia pun. Tiba-tiba ada orang add aku di YM dan letak pautan ke blog, jadi aku bacalah. Lepas perbualan diatas, dia terus delete aku dari YM dia.

Aku dah tulis tentang benda ni lama dulu. Tapi aku dah padam semua catatan lama tanpa buat salinan. Jadi anggaplah ini entri lama yang dikemaskini.

Aku terima bila kau nak ringkaskan sesetengah perkataan untuk memudahkan penceritaan dan tak mahu berbunyi terlalu formal. Contohnya "hendak" kepada "nak", "ini" kepada "ni", "dahulu" kepada "dulu", "itu" kepada "tu" and so on.

Tapi bila kau tulis dengan short form yang terlalu ekstrim, sumpah aku sakit mata. Bukan aku seorang saja yang rasa begini. Ramai lagi yang dah tulis tentang fenomena "bahasa sms di blog ". Jadi sebelum kau blog-hopping dan tinggalkan mesej seperti "tumpang lalu, silelah ke blog saye dan tinggalkan komen yerr" di shoutbox orang, sila tulis dengan cara yang memudahkan orang lain baca.

Yes, I'm easily annoyed by bad English and spelling . Dan bukan aku seorang saja (sekali lagi). Lihat sekali lagi perbualan YM diatas. Kalau kau baca blog-blog yang seangkatan dengan blog dia (dan aku jamin mesti kau pernah baca), memang tatabahasa, ejaan dan Bahasa Inggeris dalam blog sebegini hancur habis.

"abis tu, yang ko baca lagi buat apa? ko tu cikgu ke nak tunjuk kesalahan orang?"

Aku bukan cikgu bahasa. Tapi sekurang-kurangnya aku tahu perkataan "ko" tu tak ada dalam kamus. "kau" atau "engkau" tu adalah. (heehee. Tapi kadang-kadang aku pun sama je tulis "ko". Jadi jangan terasa ya?)

Regarding bad language, it's not wrong to write in English, even though you suck at it. As they say, practice makes perfect. At the same time it provides great entertainment. It's really funny to think about someone who claims to have lived in England to repeatedly say "chess" instead of "cheese" in an entry. I've never been to England, or anywhere outside my own country, but I still speak better English than you do. What next, an entry about "beutifull place at London", perhaps?

Tiba-tiba aku jadi Grammar Police pulak. Heheh. Ini cuma pendapat aku sajalah. Kau nak terima atau tak, suka hati. Macam aku cakaplah, blog kau, suka hati kaulah nak buat apa. Tapi ingat, pembaca itu macam pelanggan, dan pelanggan akan cari apa yang memenuhi kehendak pasaran. (tak pasal je aku ni. Gua dah start merepek ni bai. Hahaha!.)

*update*
lagi satu, "y" tu apa kot?
contoh: "aku y punya". Susah sangat ke nak taip "yang" atau "yg"?
Dahlah. I rest my case. Brickbats welcome.

and today's menu is...

2009-04-24T01:00:00.001+08:00

It's that time of the month again. Faham-faham sajalah.

Opera dalam Kepala

2009-04-16T02:08:00.001+08:00

Dalam kesedihan hati dan keserabutan kepala, aku capai beer yang ada di depan mata.

A metaphorical beer, of course. Aku tak minum.

Satu tin, dua tin, tiga tin.

Euphoria mula datang. The problems in my head started to seem so far away.

Sekali lagi, metaphorical euphoria, of course.

empat, lima, enam,

Dan aku terus tenggelam dalam kemabukan yang aku cipta sendiri. Hangover mula datang.

Metaphorical drunkedness, of course.

Aku telan metaphorical painkillers untuk hilangkan metaphorical hangover aku. Bila kepala dah clear, fikiran dah jelas, masalah yang tampak jauh itu tadi nampak lebih dekat sekarang. Lebih besar dari sebelumnya.

Jadi aku sedar, masalah tetap akan ada. Lari dari masalah sendiri hanya akan timbulkan sakit kepala di akhirnya. Euphoria yang datang tadi hanya untuk seketika.

Aku terus ambil metaphorical beer tadi dan buangkan semuanya. Ini bukan jalan penyelesaian! Aku fikir. Sekarang, aku sedang harapkan sedikit salvation datang menjelma dan hilangkan segala keserabutan dalam kepala.

A metaphorical salvation, of course.

Internet Meme~

2009-04-16T01:15:00.005+08:00

Anugerah? Oh, ini bukan ABP Berita Hairan. Haha.

Aku tau, ini trend terkini. Macam Facebook, tak cool kalau kamu tak ada Facebook. Jadi marilah kita layan internet meme ni. Anugerah. Oooh I feel like a frickin celebrity. LOL.

Ini anugerah dari Cik Jane dalam entri dia yang ini. Orang dah beri, kita ambil sajalah. Terima kasih, ya!

Bagi award ni pun dah macam main tag. Siap ada peraturan lagi. Peraturannya ialah:

1. Letakkan logo award ini di blog anda.

2. Anugerahkan award ini kepada 10 Blog yang anda anggap paling berinspirasi dan sangat mesra.

3. Pastikan anda menyatakan penghargaan ini melalui ‘backlink’ dengan blog yang anda anggap paling memberikan inspirasi dan mesra dari blog anda.

4. Informasikan penerima award mengenai award yang mereka terima dengan menyatakan komen di blog mereka.

5. Berbagi cinta dan sayang untuk penghargaan ini kepada pemberi anugerah ini.

Err, aku malas nak petik nama sesiapa. Award ni aku beri dekat semua link yang ada dekat sidebar disebelah kanan blog aku dan semua "pengikut" aku. Nanti sesiapa yang tak disebut namanya disini bising pulak. Lagipun aku sedang rasa sedikit anarki! mana main ikut peraturan ni. Heehee!

ruangmasa beku.

2009-04-11T21:41:00.008+08:00

Ipoh, Gelore Nafsu, wall of death, perkataan 'mat' dalam tatabahasa Perak, dan John Hafiz berambut pendek (dia memang kacak!).

Kemaskini

2009-04-10T00:22:00.001+08:00

Agak berhabuk blog ni. Bukan apa, aku rasa malas nak menaip kebelakangan ni. Mungkin akan kembali aktif semula (agaknya-lah).

Aku tak mahu tulis tentang perkara-perkara trivial. Nanti blog ni jadi macam diari pula. Maaf, Huziology bukan blog berunsur laporan aktiviti kehidupan aku. Jadi dari menulis entri-entri yang aku sendiri tak puas hati dengan kualitinya, baik aku diam saja. (kononnya writer's block lah. Ceh)

Jadi, silalah tunggu entri berikutnya! (kalau aku rajinlah ya?.)

Darkness

2009-03-29T05:54:00.003+08:00

Aku tinggal berseorangan dirumah ketika Earth Hour. Malas nak ikut teman serumah keluar.

8:29 Malam, aku padam lampu. (ops, sila daftar dulu sebelum tutup lampu ya?).

Apparently my house is the only one in Taman Jati who's turning off the lights. Yang lain? Terang benderang. Tapi biasalah. Alor Gajah. What d'ya expect?

Lampu tertutup, tapi aku tak padam komputer (Takut gelaplah). Lepas bosan main Facebook, aku buka Youtube dan capai gitar.

Sekarang, aku dah tahu main lagu Hey Ya dari Outkast. Cuma guna progresi kord G, C, D, dan E. Berulang ulang. Oleh sebab terlalu asyik mendendangkan lagu Hey Ya, sampai pukul 12 pun aku tak buka lampu balik. Hahaha.

So that's it. I made an effort, took action against global warming. Even though ignorance had clearly prevailed here (in Melaka, that is). Tapi bila aku terima laporan dari rakan-rakan yang berada di Kuala Lumpur, aku gembira. Ramai yang sokong, ibukota bergelap selama sejam, compared to last year. Indeed, all is not lost. There's still hope for us Malaysians.

Mother Earth, aku dah undi kau. I'm so proud right now I feel like throwing up. Ceh.

Mungkin aku patut mainkan semula lagu Hey Ya. Ingat, progresi kord G, C, D, dan E.

Stepping Stone

2009-03-22T06:10:00.005+08:00

Hiya guys. Sorry about the prolonged absences lately. Aku sedang dalam mood bercuti. Baru balik dari rumah kawan dekat Sepang.

It's the recession, dudes. Hidup dah tak boleh macam dulu lagi. Makan di fast food establishments setiap minggu, shopping on impulse, membazir. Perlu simpan duit. Sebabnya ialah:

(sila klik untuk perbesarkan imej)

Yep. Ipoh. On the 4th. Walaupun status message di myspace band aku tertulis "in hibernation". Masih boleh lagi bermain. Dari Melaka ke Ipoh, persoalan sekarang ialah duit. Heh.

Sepentas bersama Blood On Wedding Dress, bukan calang-calang band. They've misspelled my band's name. Well, it's "gelore" not "gelora"... Tapi apa-apa sajalah. Yang penting nama tu ada. Jadi sesiapa yang nak datang, datanglah. Tak mau sudah. Aku tak paksa kamu pun.

Lepas ni aku nak ajak orang main rock Siamlah pulak. Boleh? Kita cover lagu dekat bawah ni:

Amacam? Ini memang lagu feveret, bai. :)

Thiz Is The Shizznit!!

2009-03-13T00:30:00.004+08:00

Malas.

Malas.

Malas. Nak mengapdet. Hahaha. Sekarang aku tahu macam mana rasanya bekerja, memikul tanggungjawab, bangun on-time, tidur on-time, semuanya on-time. Jauh beza dengan kehidupan belajar. Jadi bila aku sambung degree nanti (dengan izin Tuhan, mudah-mudahan) aku akan nikmati sepenuhnya! (mungkin)

Yada yada yada.

.................................................

Jadi, inilah update aku. Aku rasa Encik 47 dah tulis entri yang berkaitan. Tapi tak apalah, kadang-kadang benda yang kita nak buat dah ada orang lain yang buat, tapi tak bermakna kamu tak boleh cuba, kan?

Aku terfikir, sesetengah perkara yang kita buat tu mampu pengaruhi perasaan kita, walaupun sekecil mana pun. Ahh, nak terangkan aku tak tahulah. Aku bagi contoh saja.

Sekarang, cuba bayangkan kamu sedang buat perkara-perkara yang aku senaraikan ni. Lepas tu beritahu aku apa yang kamu rasa:

Masuk dalam bilik berhawa dingin yang dipasang full-blast pada tengah hari yang panas.
Dapat beli sesuatu setelah lama kumpul duit/tunggu gaji masuk.
Tidur dengan lama, dan bagun dengan perasaan segar.
Makan malam bersama teman, sambil diiringi perbualan menarik selama berjam-jam.
Tidur kala cuaca sedang hujan lebat.
Duduk di beranda rumah pada tengah malam, sambil berbual dengan rakan-rakan serumah, diiringi minuman panas.
Tak tidur malam sebab tak mengantuk, main daun terup sampai awal pagi.
Tonton drama bersiri dari episod awal sampai akhir secara marathon, sambil makan kuaci/kacang/jajan beramai-ramai.
Kongsi duit, pergi pasar beli barang mentah, masak dan akhirnya makan. Semuanya beramai-ramai.
Memandu berseorangan tanpa arah tuju, sambil mendengar lagu-lagu kegemaran.
Berjalan kaki berseorangan pada awal pagi, sambil perhatikan dunia sekeliling memulakan hari mereka.
Duduk berseorangan di sesuatu tempat, sambil perhatikan gelagat manusia sekeliling.

Those little things that makes us appreciate life a little bit more, innit? :)

berhabuk

2009-03-11T00:18:00.003+08:00

Rasa nak bercerita, menaip, melontar idea. Tapi malas pulak.

Esok saja aku update. Penat dengan kerja, bai. :(

Play That Funky Music, Boy!

2009-03-03T01:01:00.006+08:00

Kehidupan praktikal yang monotonous ni pun ada baiknya.

Bangun pagi, pergi kerja, balik, main internet, tidur.
Kalau cuti, bangun lambat, bermalasan, keluar bersiar-siar di kota Melaka, bermacam aktiviti.

Dikelilingi rakan-rakan yang memahami, yang boleh jadi pendengar yang bagus, yang sanggup bersusah-senang bersama. Apa lagi yang kau mahu?

Mungkin aku tak se-rebellious dulu Tak lagi angst-ridden. Mellowing out as I grow older. Tak perlu fikir masalah orang lain dan masalah dunia. Masalah diri sendiri tetap ada, tapi lek lek sudah (bak kata Rajuna)

Happy-O-Meter aku sedang berada di tahap yang tinggi sekarang. Aku bahagia :)

Heh!

Senarai Rawak Hari Sabtu

2009-03-01T01:19:00.005+08:00

Bangun lambat
Mandi
Berpakaian
Naik kereta
Jalan jalan kota Melaka (Saturday Heroes, bai!)
Beli sekotak Marlboro Reds
Bakar sebatang
Jalan lagi
Makan
Bakar lagi sebatang
Balik rumah
Singgah pasar
Masak
Makan lagi
Bakar lagi sebatang
Basuh pinggan
Main Need For Speed Underground 2
Online Facebook dan Myspace, menulis di Kepulan Asap
Tidur
Bangun, naik kereta pergi kota Melaka lagi
Lepak lepak
Beli tembakau shisha
Makan lagi. Fillet O' Fish.
Bakar lagi sebatang
Balik, singgah kedai beli french fries
Masak
Makan
Borak borak dengan teman serumah
Bakar arang, basuh botol shisha, sediakan
Hisap sampai high
Layan movie dan siri House MD sampai larut malam.

This is the life, dude. :)

Mood: Relaxed/Retro
Currently listening to: Bee Gees - Stayin' Alive.

Hello, I'm Huzai And I'm An Addict.

2009-02-21T15:11:00.003+08:00

"It's a problem if you want it to be a problem"
- Gregory House, MD.

That's how I'll introduce myself. No, not for Alcoholics Anonymous. But for Internet Addicts Anonymous (if there ever was such a group).

Why am I saying this? Because I've just realized one thing. I'm addicted to the Internet. Becoming more and more detached from the real world. The physical realm where we're supposed to be living in. Sure, here in the virtual world, it's way more fun, more interesting. But all the things you see here, the words I type, the entries you read, they're not 100% me. These are merely small glimpses of what's happening in my life. So you can't really claim to know me by merely reading my blog, or by adding me at Facebook, innit?

As I was saying, I'm an addict. One of the symptoms include logging in every now and then to check for new comments, either at my blogs or at my social networking sites, and feeling disappointed if there ain't any. Do you realize how much time and energy this consumes you? There's more important stuff that we need to be doing other than this. Blogging and social networking? File that under "Leisurely Activity". (Unless, if you have too much time and leisure on your hands, that is)

..........................................................
[INTERMISSION]

"Okay Huzai, thanks for sharing. Let's all clap for Huzai. [CLAP CLAP CLAP]Very inspiring, Huzai. Now, who wants to share next? John? Good. Let's hear it from John.."

John gets up and starts: "Hello everyone. My name is John and I'm an addict..........."

..........................................................

Oh, shoot. My turn is up. Gotta stop and listen to what John has to say. Glad you stayed with me in this session, dear readers. So, same time next week?

LOL. :)

Masuk Google Analytics, Tengok "keywords"

2009-02-18T00:13:00.004+08:00

Maaf, Kali ni aku nak ikut trend blogger arus perdana lah. Alah, yang selalu print screen bila jumpa sesuatu yang unusual lepas tu upload dekat blog dia. Apa boleh buat. Aku pun suka mengikut. Heeehee.

Bila aku buka aku punya Google Analytics untuk tengok statistik pengunjung huziology, rasa terkejut sebab bila buka tab "keywords" untuk tengok carian Google yang mana sampai ke blog ini, salah satu kata kunci yang keluar ialah..

(sila klik untuk perbesarkan imej)

Untuk orang yang Google kata kunci tu dan sampai ke blog aku, aku minta maaf banyak-banyak. Aku sendiri tak tahu apa pandangan Buddha atas isu homoseksualiti. Mungkin kau boleh cari di tempat lain, tapi bukan di huziology, okey? Ataupun kau sedang horny dan sedang search untuk hentai mungkin? Yang itu aku boleh bantu. :)

Lepas ni bolehlah aku tulis entri dan masukkan perkataan rawak seperti "artis Melayu seksi", "Main dengan jiran sebelah", dan macam-macam lagi untuk naikkan trafik blog. Haha! :D

Update?Nak curi idea boleh?

2009-02-11T22:47:00.005+08:00

سبب اكو بوسن دان تق اد ايديا اونتوق منوليس

Ketiadaan Entri Baru Buat Kau Bosan?

2009-02-06T06:21:00.001+08:00

Aku pun. Entri lain banyak. Tapi masih dalam peringkat draft. Takut tak melepasi tahap piawaian. Haha. Entah kenapa, aku dah tak seghairah dulu dalam menulis (menaip?). Sikit-sikit writer's block katanya. Pi-rah.

Kalau boleh, aku mau tulis (taip? haish) setiap hari. Tapi apakan daya beb. Idea tu macam beskot (orang Johor sebut!). Sekejap ada, sekejap tak ada. Puas aku perah otak. Untuk cipta apa-apa anekdot dan rencana yang boleh hiburkan kau. Tapi tak selalunya berkualiti (ceh!)

Jadi untuk entri ni, kita sembang tentang benda-benda yang rawak saja, okey? Apa kata kita main tag! (siot, terpengaruh dengan internet meme sial aku!)

Aku bosan. Suka hati akulah nak mulakan tag. Abah kau susah ke? Hahaha!. Anggaplah ini fakta rawak tentang aku yang telah dikemaskini ya?

Peraturan Tag

Senaraikan:

3 lagu yang wajib ada dalam playlist.
3 barang yang wajib bawa bersama.
3 tempat yang dekat di hati.
3 laman web yang selalu dilawati (selain Facebook, Friendster, dan Myspace)
3 blog yang mahu di-tag

Lepas tu, macam biasalah. Mau buat atau tak, itu terpulang. Mula!

3 lagu yang wajib ada dalam playlist:

Daughters - Nurse, Would You Please Prep the Patient for Sexual Doctor.
AFI - Silver and Cold
An Albatross - The Man Eating Pigs of Madidi

3 barang yang wajib bawa bersama:

Telefon Bimbit
Beg Silang. Penting untuk simpan handphone, wallet, dan rokok aku. Poket skinny jeans aku tak muat beb!
IC. Saya bukan mat indon paaak!

3 tempat yang dekat di hati:

Shah Alam - Tempat aku membesar, Member yang dah kenal lebih sepuluh tahun ada dekat sini.
Alor Gajah, Melaka - Tempat aku sewa rumah bujang. Dulu untuk belajar, sekarang untuk praktikal. Banyak benda aku belajar dekat sini
Kulai, Johor - Kampung halaman.

3 laman web yang selalu dilawati:

Blogger - Obses dengan blog
YouTube - Obses dengan video. Aku selalu cari internet memes di sini.
Uncyclopedia - Parody untuk Wikipedia. Dos kelakar yang tinggi.

3 blog yang mahu di-tag:

Phikool Thong - Lupakan kelas memandu kau seketika. Buat tag ni :)
Sara Musfira - Sebab kau pemuisi yang hebat!
Icha - Sebab kau perempuan yang hardcore. Haha.

Ah. Tulah dia. Dalam kebosanan dan tak ada idea untuk menulis, alih-alih dah ada entri yang panjang. Jalan!

.....................................................

Promosi sekejap. Aku juga ada menulis dalam blog lain. Kira macam pecahan personaliti-lah. Itu untuk pemuisi dalam diri ini. Dah lama aku nak buat, tapi tak berkesempatan. Wolf, kau wajib lawat. Aku tak kira. Haha.

p/s: menyesal pulak aku delete entri-entri yang lama. Ceh.

Lonely

2009-01-31T14:09:00.005+08:00

Alone and wandering. Searching and hoping.

For love, acceptance, and appreciation.

But why hate yourself in the first place?

In The Name of.....

2009-01-31T00:35:00.006+08:00

Kamu tanya,
Siapa tuhanku?
Aku bertuhankan siapa?

Aku jawab,
tuhan aku ialah Tuhan.
Juga tuhanmu.

Boleh lebih spesifik?
Siapa Dia?
Apa namanya?

Dia Tuhan.
Bahasa apa yang kamu mahu panggil pun,
God, Dios, Dieu, Gott, Dev, Allah, Jehovah.
Dia tetap Tuhan.

Ar Rahman, Ar Rahim, Al Malik, Al Aziz, Al Khaliq,
Itu pun nama tuhanku.
Yang Pemurah, Yang Menyayangi, Raja segala raja, Yang Mulia, Sang Pencipta.
Itu pun tuhanku juga.

Banyak nama, banyak panggilan.
Tapi tetap Satu.
.
.
.
.
Me? I'm just one of His creation, seeking solace and peace within His love.

Now Stomach This

2009-01-28T23:48:00.004+08:00

Baru pulang dari Besut, Terengganu (ikut member balik kampung)

Kamu tau sajalah. Duduk rumah family. Makan tak pernah putus. Masakan sedap. Memang kamu digalakkan untuk makan. Tak cukup lagi? Tambahlah. Jangan malu-malu.
Selagi kau larat nak melantak, makanlah.

Cuti habis, kembali bekerja di Melaka. Perkara yang aku bimbangkan memang dah berlaku. Badan naik. Perut buncit. Paha jadi besar. Pipi tembam.

Ini serius, bai. Macam mana mau pakai skinny jeans dan baju kecik aku lagi? Tak hip-lah macam tu.

Aku perlu mulakan program Lu Slim Lah Beb!