I had a dream about a certain someone last night. It was way more complicated than Inception. It would've beaten Christopher Nolan's story.
And I woke up with tears.
Dammit. I'm supposed to be tough! I've even written this entry advising people (and myself) to stop feeling bitter remorse.
Denial.
Anger.
Hurt.
Betrayal.
And even more remorse. Piling up one after another. There are days when I'm playing this tough-emotionally-unaffected-guy. You could see for yourselves if you were friends with me on Facebook. Through the status updates and all.
But even the toughest exterior can be broken. In the end, we're just human beings with emotions. After it's all been said and done, you realize that sometimes you just can't fight back all those walled-up feelings. The heart isn't made out of stone, mate.
"Move on!", they said. With steely conviction in their voices. If only actually following the phrase is as easy as saying it, life would be so much better.
But mourning period is supposed to be over. It's been like, 4 months after the inevitable blow. What I'm trying to do now is grapple with reality and deal with the aftermath.
Damage control, says a friend with more experience in this subject matter.
And so, all the pictures got deleted off my hard-drive. All the memories from my head. No more erratic sleep patterns, no more sitting around at random places and mope about. No more isolating myself from people that cared. Because that was what I did after that. It's NOT the end of the world, stupid! You're just like that guy from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. You're pathetic. Get a fucking life already. FFFFUUU
I am now a shell of my former self. I am, for lack of a better word, hollow. Unfeeling, uncaring.
That's enough I think. Sorry for posting such an emotional entry. But it's my blog and I can write whatever I damn well please. And I just can't express my thoughts clearly in Bahasa at the moment. Sorry about that.
Writing is indeed very therapeutic. I'm feeling better as I'm typing this. Maybe I'll regret posting this. Maybe I'll be embarrassed. But right now, I just don't care.
Ne-Yo - So Sick. A tune appropriate to this entry perhaps.
image credits - http://www.ivstatic.com/files/et/imagecache/300/parenting/slides/bed_325.jpg
6 perkara berbangkit:
masih banyak 'ikan' yang lain dilautan.
Yeah, it's not the end of the world, kan? :)
like you've said;
life is hard as it is, kan?
tp,at least you dah experience ttg semua itu. :)
yeah, ikan masih banyak...hahaha
huzai : lama aku tak tinggalkan komen kat sini. :)
btw, try move on, :) okey
kalau tak boleh, just stay, tapi jangan blame diri
(cakap berdasarkan pengalaman ) :)
dude, get up!
@ask me - Yeah! Thanks!
@ainunl.muaiyanah - Terima kasih sis! Betul, jangan blame diri! Wah, banyak pengalaman nampak? Hehe :)
@Dammit - Dah get up. Emo sekejap je, biar lepas semua aku keluarkan. Simpan kat dalam nak buat apa. Kan?
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